Madea Goes to Jail (2009)

For this entry, I'd simply like to post the exact notes I took in the theater while we witnessed this horrifying display of closeted homosexuality and bad writing:

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENS IN MADEA GOES TO JAIL, THE MOVIE:

A crack ho is violently beaten and gang raped. She wakes up with a pimp's dick inside her, and he tells her, "You're my slave now, and slaves have to buy their freedom." So the sobbing bloody crack ho escapes through the window and flees down the street, totally naked except for a towel.

So basically, all this disturbing shit happens and then Tyler Perry shows up dressed up as a big fat woman and sprays machine gun fire in a crowded party while people scream and run away, and it's supposed to be funny.

Also, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENS IN "MADEA GOES TO JAIL," THE PLAY (because we've studied it extensively as well):

Madea and Miss Ella are babysitting for Vanessa. Sonny and Nathaniel are prison wardens. Sonny married Vanessa, but Cheryl Pepsii comes along and makes him realize that Vanessa is a conniving businesswoman who drowns their baby. Meanwhile, another lady gets out of jail and sings at her daughter that she wants to be a good mother now.

Now, I'm pretty confused right now, but I'm POSITIVE that NONE of this is happening in this movie. So why is it called "Madea Goes to Jail" when it isn't Madea Goes to Jail.

In fact, we've seen an embarrassing number of Tyler Perry plays and movies and the movie versions are NEVER, EVER even remotely similar to the plays. So Tyler Perry's writing is so generic that even he can't tell any of this crap apart. On the other hand, let me also say that this movie is not nearly as bad as Madea's Family Reunion or The Family That Preys.

Actually, as Tyler Perry becomes more and more obsessed with being in drag all the time (including Photoshopped pictures of Tyler Perry as a nude showgirl, blechh), Madea herself is the least terrible part of the movie, until you remember that Tyler Perry actually thinks he's different than RuPaul. Oh wait, Tyler Perry is nothing like RuPaul because RuPaul is AWESOME.

And if you've never seen anything by Tyler Perry and you can't believe how much we know about his work, just do a bunch of shots and go see Madea Goes to Jail because you won't believe your fucking eyes.