Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

What can you even say about this movie? It's just really bad. The worst part is that it so wants to be better than your typical C-grade monster (C-monster?) movie, but its more pretentious ambitions damn it even more. You see, the fourth (!) entry in the Jaws series has real family issues in it. You know, jealousy issues between mother and son, acceptance issues for mom's new boyfriend, forgetting to take out the trash issues leading to explosive fight issues between young husband and wife issues... I mean, so many issues. So it tends to break the already weak tension when the shark -- there's a shark! -- attacks all these people with their incredibly annoying issues, because obviously he's watching this movie too and wants it to stop.

So, is Jaws: The Revenge a closely-observed drama that explores family intimacy with a precision that turns the mundane into something riveting? Or, is it a monster movie starring a shark made out of a matchbox? It's hard to say, because it is neither. The family issues have zero to do with the shark attacks, which are executed like shit, so it isn't exactly a monster movie. What is there left to watch?

If you answered "a parade of crunk faces to draw (such as Jared Leto and Michelle Williams B.C.)," then you are absolutely right. Buy this film now.