Howard The Duck (1986)

... is AWESOME.

The infamous 1986 disaster is exactly as bad as you think, and also ten times better. Executive producer George Lucas wanted to bury it forever (after discovering its wide-release audience was exactly NO ONE), and never released it on DVD in the US. But in fact, "Howard the Duck" is truly amazing because of its brazen dedication to no-holds-barred special effects. It's also a lethally unfunny piece of duck pucky.

The movie begins in "Duckworld," a parallel Earth inhabited by ducks instead of humans, although their city architecture looks exactly the same as ours. Shouldn't it at least be a little different, considering that ducks rose to sentience instead of humans? Anyway. This sets the stage for lame duck (!) puns like "Playduck Magazine." There are also duck puns layered nonsensically on top of callbacks to previous George Lucas projects, which, if we are not witnessing a man in the middle of losing his mind, then please try to imagine what "Breeders of the Lost Egg" could possibly be about.

Howard is a hard-bitten duck (yes, a hard-bitten duck) who gets beamed through a space portal into our world, where he is instantly met with terror and revulsion. Angsty rock star Beverly Switzler (Lea Thompson) finds a kindred lost soul in Howard's displaced melancholy, and... wait.

Where on earth is this movie going? Find one thing at which it succeeds, and you can find three more that undermine it. The plot eventually decides to forget about Howard's "adorable" assimilation into Earth culture and slams on the fuck-it gas, rocketing into high-wire chase scenes, rock 'n roll mutations, gratuitous special effects explosions, and big-screen creature effects that are still dazzling 23 years later, in 2009. It really is a timeless jewel.

The awfulness and dullness of its first hour is almost enough to turn away even the most dedicated Slow Roller. But the second half is so enthralling it makes the entire thing just so delightfully improbable. Make no mistake, "Howard the Duck" is a terrible movie. But it's about the most well-made terrible movie you'll ever see. They don't make them like this anymore. I'm looking at you, "Alvin and the Chipmunks."