14 January 2009

Free Willy 3: The Rescue (1997)

This movie features a little boy who looks like the tiny old woman from the Wendy's "Where's the Beef?" commercials, a grown-up Jesse (from "Free Willy") looking like a pre-op FTM transsexual, a whale who plays ball exclusively off-camera, evil whale assassins, condoned kidnapping, glorified and inexcusable violence by the protagonists, poop circles on eyes, a whale keyboard, a robot orca suggestively lifting boys up and down like a mechanical bull, a male part sloppily rewritten for a woman, a little boy who sabotages his dad with such preternatural subtlety that no one could ever trace it back to him, offensive Native American stereotypes, a bar fight where a line of bystanders is yanked aside by something invisible for no reason, and a whaler who learns to love whales after almost being eaten by one and his own son almost kills him... on purpose... for a whale.

This movie is VERY inappropriate.

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