Babylon A.D. (2008)

Okay everybody. This might be the best Slow Roll field trip we've ever had. First of all, I just want to emphasize the fact that Babylon A.D. was released THIS WEEKEND, and we saw it on the SECOND DAY of its release. I also want to point out that its budget was $60 million and Vin Diesel is pretty famous. Maybe not as famous as he would enjoy, since his next movie is the third sequel to The Fast and the Furious, but still. You know his name.

So, one of the things we consider when planning a Slow Roll field trip is how full the theater is likely to be -- obviously, we laugh inappropriately and chat amongst ourselves during the film, but we aren't interested in ruining anyone's night if they really genuinely wanted to catch The Bucket List on the big screen. For example, the night we howled through The Bucket List, the only other audience member was a dude lying across several seats and napping. It was really amazing.

The point is, we usually wait until the end of a film's run to slow roll it in theaters. However, the tanking of Babylon A.D. seemed so inevitable we were willing to take the risk.

And we got to the theater...

And outside the auditorium we found the lobby roped off in a maze to accommodate the hordes of moviegoers too eager to wait another week for Babylon A.D.... people who got in line HOURS early.

The only thing is...

It was completely empty

...

Like, Rapture empty. I kicked myself for not bringing my camera so I could photograph this astonishingly beautiful sight. If I could do it over maybe I would also have brought a tumbleweed to lovingly place in line behind a gang of crickets. It was EMPTY.

After I got over this profound euphoric experience, we decided to actually go inside the auditorium and see if anyone had already taken their seats.

Nope

Completely empty

It was incredible.

I'm not even going to talk about the movie itself. Believe me, it was hysterically awful... and totally worth a trip to your local cinema to experience the special honor of being the only person in the theater to see Babylon B.C. Or A.D. Whatever.

NOTE: It should be mentioned that even the director, Mathieu Kassovitz, has disowned the movie and expressed "outright disgust" with the movie. Kassovitz claims that 20th Century Fox recut the movie to make it more commercial, which is so hilarious I will probably laugh all the way to my grave, but Kassovitz isn't really off the hook considering his last movie was Gothika.