Firewall (2006)

I've wanted to see Firewall since the trailer made me snort soda through my nose in the theater. Something about "techno-thrillers" always cracks me up because they want to be edgy and high-tech, but have to dumb it down for non-computer-types in the audience. Usually this manifests in a scene where the star rattles off some complicated jargon, and a side character dryly comments, "How about in English, for the rest of us?" or "What in the hell did you just say!"

The Firewall trailer also made me laugh because it didn't even pretend to bring something new to the table. Little did I know how rich a thriller it truly was. In fact, as we were watching it, I felt compelled to write down all the thrilling thrills that thrilled me.

- Going to work
- Having a meeting
- Burning a CD
- Eating cookies
- Watching The Flintstones
- Piano music with low notes
- Harrison Ford's "intense" voice
- Checking email
- Online banking
- Playing board games with mom
- Making list of teas
- Shorter list of coffees
- Pretending to be asleep
- Torrential downpours of rain
- Coming home from work...
- ...and no one's there!
- Hitting people with the blender
- Virginia Madsen's forehead
- It's still raining, isn't that scaaaaary?
- Nude Robert Forster
- Watching The Food Network
- Driving a car
- More online banking
- Looking for a dog
- Waiting for the phone to ring
- Razzing the kidnappers

Just be warned, everyone, I didn't make any of these up, so you can't say I didn't warn you when you're watching Firewall, covering your face and begging for God to give you strength to cope with all these thrilling thrills.

Recommendation: If you enjoy a bad thriller as much as I do, this one is for you. And if you catch any thrills that I missed here, don't forget to post in the comments!