Stomp the Yard (2007)

Just in case you haven't seen enough movies about how dancing can change the lives of troubled kids. There is one reason and one reason alone we gave this movie a chance, and it is called Stick It. Stick It is about gymnastics but it's the same concept, except for the part where Stick It rules and Stomp the Yard sucks.

It starts with some guy named DJ whose best friend (or brother, I'm not sure) is killed in some gang violence. He is sent to live with his rich aunt and uncle, which is quite a shock for DJ as he is used to a gritty urban setting. At this point we realized, "Isn't this The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?" The answer is yes, but with added melodrama and no jokes and more importantly NO GEOFFREY. Talk about a recipe for failure.

Stomp the Yard is also full of needless shaky-cam, but from what I could make out DJ is a total douchebag. He gets a scholarship to this great university and immediately starts shoving people out of the way so he can talk to some girl drinking water in slow motion, like if she was hydrating at 24 fps would he still be stalking her? DJ spends a lot of time rudely shoving people out of the way to reach her, including members of the "step" team, which... okay.

I will freely admit my ignorance here. This whole movie is based around "stepping" and I have no idea what that is, but it sure looked stupid to me. Nevertheless, it's pretty rude of DJ to barge through their performance while chasing this girl (her name is April), but he sure gets pissed off when they call him on it. You know why? Because he's an asshole. I was like, "Close call, lady! Drop out while you can! Stay away from this douchebag!"

Unfortunately, DJ stalks April relentlessly and I guess it's supposed to be cute or romantic. DJ follows her everywhere, tries chatting her up, gives her boyfriend dirty looks, etc. DJ sits next to her in the library and their conversation goes something like this:

DJ: Go out with me.
April: No.
DJ: Go out with me.
April: No!
DJ: Go out with me.
April: NO!
DJ: Go out with me.
April: Okay.

By the way, sitting in the library talking about the plot is the closest these kids ever come to actually attending class at this so-called university. Don't they have studying to do? Why are they dancing and arguing all the time? WHERE IS CARLTON?!

So even though April has a boyfriend who treats her just fine, she goes out with DJ and they end up getting hammered and making out on the dance floor. I can't even repsond to this because we're given no reason why these characters would ever get to this point, so for the film's sake I must assume it's some kind of hallucination.

At this point we had to stop the movie because it was too shitty even for us. I normally have a policy of never quitting a movie, to give it a fair chance, etc. But then I realized that life is short and if I kept watching Stomp the Yard it would be even shorter because I would jump off the balcony.

We even skipped ahead to see if any of the dance sequences were exciting or visually interesting in any way. And... no.

Recommendation: Watch the actual Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That's just a good idea anyway -- what an awesome show.