At last, Syd has built up the resolve to leave the bathroom, so he can go downstairs and tell London how he really feels about her. Just in case the romantic nobility of this mission (not to mention ten lines of cocaine) isn't enough to keep him going, Syd takes along an enormous, half-empty bottle of liquor as he stumbles down the stairs.

MEET LONDON

For many people, the sight of Chris Evans lurching towards them with bloodshot eyes, a bottle of liquor, and a hairpiece that quit last year would license an immediate dash for the telephone to dial 911. In this case, London bravely faces this carnival of drug addiction with the additional knowledge that she dated it for two and a half years; nevertheless, Syd must be credited with at least one good deed in this film, and that is driving Dane Cook away from the woman he loves.

Significantly, this marks the first "real" interaction between Syd and London in the film, as the rest of their scenes have been flashbacks; in effect, we are meeting London for the first time, because our previous glimpses of her character have been filtered through Syd's drug-addled mind. It is rather disappointing, then, that this London behaves exactly the same as every other London we've seen: she hates Syd. In fact, she makes two excellent points in response to Syd's request that they speak alone:

1. This is her going-away party, and it would be rude to her friends if she just left.
2. She was in the middle of conversation with someone else.

As George (Cook) scoots away from this awkward scenario to grab more drinks, he sarcastically offers to fetch Syd "a bottle of cockblocker," raising some alarming questions about this party. Does a single one of these party guests realize they're here to send London off to Los Angeles, where she's moving in with her boyfriend? How did George get to this party if he thinks London is available for sex that night? To be sure, even Bateman knows what's going on here, and he was invited by someone who wasn't invited.

PARTY POOPING

Now that they're alone (meaning they're in a room packed with unconcerned people), Syd wastes no time raising his voice to scream at London, revealing bizarrely that they've known each other since they were 10 years old. Considering the galling lack of chemistry between Chris Evans and Jessica Biel (despite the fact that they were actually dating at the time of filming), it is difficult enough to believe that Syd and London are even in the same room together right now, let alone the hubris of substituting one line of dialogue for a decade of personal history.

As Syd grows more hysterical, London suddenly decides to leave the party with him, rudely shoving her way past all those guests who were nice enough to show up invited and behave like grown-ups. Rebecca halts London near the door and pleads with her not to leave, offering to call security and have Syd removed from the premises. Syd barks at Rebecca to stay out of it, to which she replies, "You've been doing cocaine in my parents' bathroom all night, so don't you tell me what I can and cannot do in my own house, seeing as you weren't even fucking invited."

Naturally, Syd's rebuttal is to bellow at Rebecca that she had sex with 15 or 20 guys in her freshman year of college, which is confusing to the point of surrealism in terms of how it relates to what's happening here. Nevertheless, Rebecca starts crying and slapping Syd, which seems to surprise him -- in fact, throughout the film, Syd seems surprised by the negative consequences of his abusively sociopathic behavior. Continuing in this new vein of surrealism, however, Bateman suddenly smashes a bottle over the nearest person's head, and outright mêlée erupts.

London backs up and finds herself locked in the hallway. Soon, Syd spills out of the apartment brawling with an anonymous party guest, whom London viciously kicks and screams at in order to defend her ex-boyfriend, who singlehandedly initiated this violence in the first place. Despite the fact that we never see his face, it stands to reason that this man is a friend of London's who attended this party to wish her well, and ended up getting beaten to a pulp in the hallway by a deranged cokehead while the guest of honor calls him a "fucker."

LEAVING THE PARTY

Drugs can have the effect of making one believe they can achieve anything; perhaps this is the only explanation we'll ever get for the fact that Syd performs the impossible and reenters the apartment through the same locked door which prevented London from going inside. After Syd retrieves Bateman from the pandemonium erupting inside the apartment, he returns to retrieve his jacket, leaving Syd and London alone to get in a car and talk about their feelings. These feelings are surely more pressing than any of the following issues:

• London's going-away party is over and no one got to say goodbye to her
• The police must be on their way and the bathroom is full of cocaine
• Ambulances must be coming to take all those injured people to the hospital
• Rebecca's parents' house is totally trashed and they're going to kill her
• Rebecca is NEVER throwing another party for London, because...
• ...there is NO WAY Rebecca should ever, ever forgive London for this

Not one of these issues is even briefly addressed, perhaps because they might remind the viewer what detestable people these characters are, when we're supposed to be invested in their relationship. Unfortunately, since the rest of the movie has so convincingly proved that Syd and London are a terrible couple, it's difficult to tolerate his speech about how much he misses her, not to mention her confession that she was secretly happy when she found out Syd had shown up tonight.

Even now, however, Syd has to prove that his pain is greater than anyone else's, and informs London that she may be moving on, but he's still feeling pain every single day. She seems appropriately impressed, and they make out.

Also, Bateman and Mallory stop by the car to announce that they're going to have sex. Considering that Bateman couldn't get an erection for years while married to a gorgeous woman, the fact that he's aroused by Mallory can only mean that Syd is not the only one with homosexual urges to sort out.

THE END

London concludes with a series of unlikely events, beginning with the intimation that Syd and London had sex that night; even if we give up and accept Syd and London's beastly attraction to one another, it is simply too much to ask that we believe Syd was able to perform sexually with half of New York City's supply of booze and drugs coursing through his veins.

Additionally, London wakes up in the morning and complains that her flight leaves in an hour, in which case it seems obvious that she has effectively already missed it; nevertheless, when Syd drops her off at the airport, London's hair is fully straightened and styled, and she still has time to linger in the car and talk about her feelings with Syd. To make matters worse, when London approaches the ticketing desk, she has two suitcases to check in AND doesn't even know her flight number. Surely, anyone who has flown since 9/11 is walking out of the theater right now.

Finally, slowing her down even more, Syd dramatically announces to London, "I love you." Abandoning the ticketing desk, London approaches Syd and speaks softly, "That's the first time you said it first," a statement which is notable for not being "I love you, too." After further making out, London leaves Syd, presumably to start walking to Los Angeles, since her flight has surely taken off and landed by now.

Credits. (Really.)