Rejoining Syd and Mallory in the bathroom, we find ourselves envying Bateman for getting out while he had the chance, leaving Mallory to suffer Syd's coked-out ramblings. If not for his brief reappearance near the end of this chapter, we might have assumed Bateman had beelined for the airport and flown back to London (the city) by now, perhaps providing a reasonable explanation for the film's title. Instead, we continue getting to know London (the woman) through two more flashbacks depicting the unimaginable horror of the relationship Syd is so eager to rekindle.

DEATH AND RELIGION

First, however, Syd explains that his anxiety attacks have let him to detach from reality, leading him to worry that he might have done too many drugs, and he's afraid of going crazy. Additionally, he became obsessed with death and couldn't conceptualize his own nonexistence, which seems appropriate for such a narcissist. Syd proceeds to argue that religion is a sham invented to keep the masses from freaking out about dying, which is an absolutely groundbreaking idea that hasn't been espoused in every freshman dormitory since the dawn of higher education.

Mallory breaks further theological ground when she posits that the human body may die but your spirit lives on, leading the viewer to marvel that even this stadium-sized bathroom is able to contain ideas this big. Fortunately, she moves on to more relatable material when she expresses frustration that Syd requires an answer for everything: "I don't fucking know, you fucking die! Why does there have to be an answer for every fucking question?"

If there's one thing we've learned by this second foray into religious territory, it's that London is edgy enough to take on God himself. In fact, Syd snidely refers to him as "an invisible guy in the sky taking checks and balances on 6 million people." To be sure, this is big talk for someone who apparently thinks 6 million is more than the estimated population of Arizona.

GOD AND RICE

Another flashback takes us to Syd and London smoking a joint in a different bathroom; at this point, too many scenes in London have taken place in bathrooms to escape notice. If there is something to be said for the importance of setting when it comes to character development, perhaps London deserves credit for its subtle acknowledgment that its characters ought to be flushed down a toilet.

Now that Maya is gone, the viewer desperately scrambles for someone to sympathize with, and London would seem the lesser of two evils, considering she was smart enough to dump Syd. Unfortunately, she immediately loses us with the following statement: "Because if you think about it, there was a time that we didn't know that the world was round, or that the atom existed or whatever, right?" On the other hand, London's willingness to philosophize with Syd is the first evidence of any basis for their relationship.

By this logic, Syd and London's relationship should have lasted about 60 seconds, because that's how long it takes for him to turn their conversation into a cacophonous verbal brawl. But this comes after London discusses Japanese physicists who performed an experiment on two vats of rice: they spoke nice things to one batch, and mean things to the other batch. After several weeks, the rice they were nice to was still edible, while the rice they abused was rotten with mold. London enthusiastically offers this story as proof of God's existence, explaining, "I saw the pictures! It's a study, it's real, and I saw it with my own eyes!"

Given this information, it seems much more likely that someone played a practical joke on London. They blindfolded her, spun her around a few times, and told her she was in Japan. Naturally, she was convinced by the construction paper hanging on the wall, adorned with Japanese characters that probably say "HEY LONDON YOU ARE DEFINITELY IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW." They paid some Japanese guys to wear lab coats and scream at rice. They also made London think a month had passed by tearing pages off a calendar really fast. When she got "back to America," London couldn't wait to tell her boyfriend that God had proved his existence to her. "I give you proof!"

"PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BULLSHIT"

Syd starts a fight which continues downstairs into the kitchen and living room of an amazing beach house, raising many important questions, including:

• Whose amazing beach house is this?
• Do these characters even have jobs?
• If they're rich enough to hang out in a place like this, why can't Syd afford a better weave?

After London correctly diagnoses Syd as a psychopath in desperate need of psychiatric help, he swipes back by arguing that at least he talks about real things, and the most serious conversation they've had in two years is how many ounces of fat there are in a slice of vegetarian pizza. Evidently, memory loss is among the many symptoms of Syd's depression, as exactly three minutes ago London was passionately philosophizing about the existence of God (not very well, but to be fair, she was totally baked).

As Syd and London noisily curse each other into oblivion, the audience reflects on the dramatically counterproductive nature of these flashbacks. Are these supposed to be the good times? Certainly, there is room for conflict in any healthy relationship, but these people are unable to share a room without screeching their hatred for one another. Notably, Syd is shirtless throughout this scene, perhaps banking on his his sex appeal reversing some of the caustic effects of his words, since London was made when Hollywood was still trying to convince the world that Chris Evans was sexy.

Obviously, however, Syd knows London better than we do, because within moments they're having sex on a couch. This is directly preceded by the following lines:

London: Oh, fuck you, fuck you! You are so annoying!
Syd: No, fuck you! Fuck you, London, you are ten times more annoying them me! You know what? You get away with it because no one's listening. They just stare at your tits, thinking of ways to fuck you.

Because this couple isn't volatile enough, their sex scene includes a brief shot of London strangling Syd while he squeals, "Stop!" And the relationship lasts six more months after this incident.

DOWNSTAIRS

As a living lesson that a movie's floor can be lowered further at any point, Dane Cook suddenly appears. "George" (as he is identified in the closing credits, and nowhere else) flirts with London, explaining that he was about to leave when she caught his eye. Isn't this her party? And invite-only? In fact, the room is positively packed with partygoers utterly oblivious to the guest of honor. Why are there so many people here that London doesn't know?

It is also interesting to note that, although we have met London in several flashbacks, this is our first introduction to present-day London, and she looks remarkably happy and healthy. This looks like a woman who knows she's made the right decision in ending a toxic relationship. If Dane Cook is a step up from your last boyfriend, your love life has been riddled with questionable decisions.

Meanwhile, Syd prepares himself to venture downstairs and talk to London, but he is so coked-up, drunk, and out of his mind that all he can do is run his hands through his wig and whisper "fuck" a lot. To be sure, this is a tried-and-true remedy when you're so messed up your t-shirt is literally drenched in sweat. And though we are meant to understand from his line "You fuck up tonight, it's over," haven't we already learned not only that it's already over, but that the world is a better place for it?

EIGHT LETTERS

In the movie's final flashback, London lies in bed with Syd and sobs that he won't say he loves her. London sniffles helpfully that "I love you" only has eight letters, so it shouldn't be difficult to say. Perhaps the true hilarity of Jessica Biel's performance can only be witnessed for yourself, but suffice it to say that Syd takes a marker and writes "I love you" on London's shoulder. Fortunately, the film cuts back to the present before the couple can have another huge fight about how uncool it is to write on someone without asking first.

Downstairs, Rebecca confronts Mallory and says she'd better not be doing cocaine in her parents' bathroom. Mallory swears that she wasn't, before adding that she intends to have "hot coke sex" with Bateman. Nice cover!