The Slow Roll :: Ice Princess

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		TITLE
		Ice Princess
		CLIP IN
		01:33:49
		CLIP OUT
		01:38:28

CREDITS

Oh, credits. How we have missed you in the hour and a half since we were introduced to Casey Carlyle and her dream of going from scholastic to fantastic. Now that Casey has achieved full fantastic status, the closing credits have recognized their cue to save the audience from further lesbian family dysfunction set to the musical stylings of Natasha Bedingfield. On the other hand, it is hard not to feel disappointed considering the poster for Ice Princess depicts "fantastic" Casey towering above the New York City skyline; it seems like false advertising for the film not to include a single scene where Casey is actually in New York City and/or 500 meters tall.

But even if Ice Princess fails to satisfy in some respects, we can certainly appreciate that this movie gives the viewer way more than they bargained for. After all, not every Disney movie doubles as an edgy teen lesbian drama containing human darkness that would scare the pants off Todd Solondz. And this movie should definitely that as a compliment.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING

Raise Your Voice (2005) If you can't get enough tween fables about talentless young ladies with uptight parents who frown upon their career choices, get to know the work of director Sean McNamara. In Raise Your Voice, Terry (Hilary Duff) follows her dream by going to summer music school in Los Angeles -- even though her dad disapproves of singing for some reason. Do you think he might walk in during Terry's climactic performance and see how great she is?

Of course, Hilary Duff can't actually sing a note, so it's mildly insulting that she plays a character whose magnificent singing talent is acclaimed by all who meet her. When Terry is supposed to be singing acapella, her voice is layered on the soundtrack. Frankly, we're with Terry's dad: this girl should definitely not be a singer. But you definitely should watch this movie if you enjoyed Ice Princess for all the wrong reasons.

Bratz (2007) Two years later, Sean McNamara struck again with this equally misguided film about four best friends determined to overturn the high school clique system. To do this, Sasha, Jade, Cloe, and Yasmin -- based on the popular noseless dolls -- form a girl band and put on a concert even though none of them can actually sing or dance. In addition to how obvious it is that Ron Fair is just trying to break another manufactured pop group, this movie has a terrible message discouraging kids from making friends with new people who share their interests.

In other words, rent this movie today.