That night, Samantha takes Kelley to the local baseball field, where she switches on the floodlights and mimes playing baseball with Kelley.

Samantha reveals that she was a track star until her kneecap was injured, and she lost a college scholarship. Samantha continues that she plans to go to medical school, but sometimes she would rather stay in the woods and write poetry.

Samantha quotes a few lines from "Birches," to which Kelley responds by inquiring if there was mustard on the sandwich she brought him, and they kiss passionately.

There is an old saying when it comes to relationships, advising against doing anything you wouldn't want your partner to witness you doing. If it is reasonable to assume that Jasper would be displeased to learn that his girlfriend engaged in light S&M banter with Kelley (indeed, he was probably close enough to overhear them), there's no telling how upset he might be if he could see Samantha enjoying this romantic evening with his rival.

Fortunately for Samantha, she is not psychologically equipped to concern herself with the emotional welfare of others, and so she gleefully illuminates the site of her betrayal with floodlights that are most likely visible from every house in Putnam. For his part, Kelley is unable to set aside his competitive ego even for a game of mimeball, as he swings a fake bat and informs Samantha that he has just hit an amazing home run, forcing her to admit she is not very good at baseball.

Once again, Samantha mentions her past knee injury and immediately follows with casual plans for her future, alerting to the viewer to the fact that Samantha is probably in perfect health and will live to accomplish everything she intends to. Samantha also admits to stalking Kelley through the woods and observing his graduation speech, which doesn't seem to bother him at all, possibly due to the fact that his private performance was clearly for the benefit of an audience.

And so, Kelley and Samantha's relationship is physically consummated when they achieve, as the baseball metaphor goes, "first base." Indeed, the sheer eroticism of their conversation is enough to sweep the viewer along with them:

Kelley: I was just thinking about that ham sandwich you brought me the other day.
Samantha: What about it?
Kelley: I was just wondering if there was mustard, or…

[making out]

Clearly, after turning down so much food earlier, the pleasure of Samantha's ham sandwich created a strong association in Kelley's mind between sex and sandwiches. Therefore, he is only truly able to get "in the mood" by discussing sandwiches, becoming especially aroused at the mention of condiments such as mustard -- representing not only bodily fluids, but a tangy blast of flavor to spice up any meal.

Kelley: What's after college?
Samantha: Oh, I'm going to die at the end of this movie.

Considering Samantha's passionate interest in poetry, however, we were interested to learn about Leelee Sobieski's real-life enthusiasm for written verse. In fact, Leelee appeared on The Tonight Show shortly after 9/11 and recited a poem for Jay Leno entitled "This Day and All the Rest," which remains infamous for its awfulness .

While it devastates us that we are unable to offer a video clip of this event, we present Leelee's poem here in its entirety:

This Day And All The Rest
by Leelee Sobieski

One day.
One.
More than another.
The other,
that day,
those people,
too many,
too personal,
but not.
People you know know,
but you yourself know not.
Crashing down,
all frown,
hurting,
walking,
silently screaming,
slowly running,
often feeling nothing.
Seeing the lucky ones fleeing,
seeing those trapped inside.
Cry.
Cry.
It's OK.
It's not OK.
Smile if it's natural
Feel alive.
The president speaks,
The situation reeks an act of war.
I enter my room, close the door
Sit here.
Here where buildings do not fall to the floor.
we young will experience much more
future, liberty, the freedom to mope about in poetry.
My brother I love you.
Old friends and family too.
Safe for now glad to know I'm alive with all of you.
Feel what is real feel later heal.
One.
One person feeling the same as all the rest.
Please let us act and do what is best.