Now that all distractions have been set aside, Drew and Claire are truly able to begin getting to know each other. In what may seem an inauspicious start, however, Drew's confession that he has never before seen a dead body is greeted with Claire's sunny consternation that he has never taken a road trip before. While this sequence may be intended as a "greatest hits" reel of their night-long conversation, we suspect the chilling reality is that we are witnessing a real-time dialogue between a pair of cerebral slowpokes.

As this is among the only times Elizabethtown allows Drew to speak, and in honor of some of the most abominable dialogue ever to grace the silver screen, we have included a transcript of Drew and Claire's conversation for your inspection:

Drew: You have no idea of the sheer volume of my cousin's kid when he cries.
Claire: I mean, I think there is definitely a higher spirit.
Drew: But I agree, what's left behind finally are the impressions you made on people.
Claire: More important is to know where to go. You haven't traveled at all, have you?
Drew: I just recently decided that things really are black and white.
Claire: And so, we all became helpers. Which I still can't help. I can't help helping.
Drew: Okay, I'll drive back home. At least part of the way. I will take a road trip. I was actually gonna go with Mitch next year. Why am I calling him Mitch?
Claire: I spend so much time thinking about all the answers to the problem that I forget what the problem actually was.
Drew: If you're smart, you'll just wear your shoes and never ask any questions. Just enjoy your footwear.
Claire: Do you ever just think, "I'm fooling everybody"?
Drew: You have no idea.
Claire: Men see things in a box. And women see them in a round room.
Drew: Look at this. He was so young here. My mom. Not the one they wanted him to marry. They met in an elevator.
Claire: I think I've been asleep most of my life.
Drew: Me, too.
Claire: Good Lord!

Drew's promise to drive at least part of his way back to Oregon raises several issues, most glaringly another recent promise he made to a frantic Heather that he would come home as soon as possible to help get their manically cheffing mother under control. Not only does this further erode the contention that Drew is "the responsible one," it is downright troubling that this film asks us to find charm in a man capable of such breezy negligence when it comes to his own grieving family.

Additionally, and perhaps more problematically, Drew's jaunty road trip pledge isn't even consistent with his own personal goals, namely his overpowering desire to "get back on that bike" as soon as he gets home. We recall that as he boarded the plane for Louisville, Drew expressed resolute determination to stick to "The Plan"; obviously, his suicidal aspirations go way beyond the planning stage, as the only two reasons Drew is still alive are (1) his failure to operate duct tape and (2) Mitch's inconveniently-timed death. It is hard to imagine that anything has transpired in the meantime, including a delightful montage with a psychotic stewardess, that would be enough to sway him from that conviction.

Cutting back and forth between Drew and Claire's respective locations, we note that Claire clearly lives by herself. Thus, it is with tremendous alarm that the viewer witnesses her cleaning a litter box. Seeing as her occupation dictates that she be away from home for days or even weeks at a time, we are left with the inescapable fact that Claire is sifting cat bones from the sand, possibly as well as her own personal waste.

Claire's ADR'ed "Do you want to have a beer over the phone?" brings Drew to the hotel hallway, where he soon finds himself face to face with Chuck Hasboro. Through several minutes of dialogue between the two men, we learn that Chuck is getting married and Drew's father is dead; surely the wealth of new information transmitted via this scene is what saved it from the cutting room floor.

Drew and Claire's discussion continues:

Claire: But they say it will hit you. It can be ten minutes, or it can be ten years from now. So it's good that you talk about it. Or don't talk about it. Well, we have talked about it. But that's what they say.
Drew: That's what they say, huh?
Claire: Yes. That's what they say.
Drew: I've always wondered this... who are "they"?
Claire: You know. Them.
Drew: Them?
Claire: Mm-hm. The inimitable, collective "them."
Drew: And who says we're supposed to listen to them?
Claire: They do!

Drew and Claire seem to be connecting on a deeper level than ever before, indicated by their ability to exchange nine consecutive lines without a montage or Ryan Adams song cutting in. Perhaps it is all the more tragic, then, that these nine lines cover ground not only covered in Pulp Fiction (1994) and an episode of Ally McBeal from 1999 (see below), but every conversation between stoned teenagers since the beginning of time. Conspicuously missing are the lines, "I've never felt closer to anyone in my life!" and "How do you know the color green I'm seeing is the same green you're seeing?"

As our heroes drive towards each other through a particularly blue part of the country, Claire counsels Drew on what exit to take, a surefire sign that they will both miss 60B and never cross paths again. However, as their cars finally approach a meeting point, Drew and Claire remain on the phone. Drew informs Claire that he can see her red hat, which is quite a feat since they are still several hundred feet away and the glare on her windshield is not insignificant.

Also, shockingly enough that it warrants a separate paragraph, Drew turns his head and looks directly into camera. If Cameron Crowe is guilty of writing characters who always know they're on camera, Orlando Bloom takes the concept to a whole new level.

Drew and Claire pull off to the side of a deserted road as local newspapers begin printing tomorrow's headline, "QUIRKY STEWARDESS SENDS CRYPTIC PUZZLE TO SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE." Unfortunately, after an entire night of build-up, it might have been impossible for them to live up to each other's expectations; surely, however, Drew and Claire could have tried at least speaking to each other.

Back in their separate cars, Drew and Claire part ways in a small town that seems to resemble Elizabethtown, and indeed, boasts a local sign reading "We miss you Mitch!" Interestingly, no amount of geographical sorcery could possibly explain how Claire ended up so many miles in the opposite direction of her origin point just so she could part ways with Drew at this particular intersection. Either that, or all of Kentucky and Tennessee really, REALLY misses Mitch Baylor.